Cover Snark: Bitchery Submissions | Smart Bitches, Trashy Books

Good Monday morning (or wherever it is in your part of the world)! It’s time for some Cover Snark.

From Pam G: So. My question is: Why does this man have a porthole in his chest, or has Mr Vampy been sunbathing with a magnifying glass between the moobs? Also, what are those things parked behind the title on the right? Poker chips? Glasses of eggnog? I really do not get

Tara: So I expanded the image and have more questions. Is he in a river? Are those his bath toys?

Shana: It doesn’t appear that the vampire is doing a great protection job. This dude is under a bridge with an orb growing from his chest. Might be time to upgrade to a werewolf protector instead.

Or a troll. Trolls like bridges, right?

Claudia: It says San Francisco so I’m guessing it’s a wearable Google orb but still… That technology has ways to go.

Sarah: He looks very worried, but what specific question raised by this cover has given him concern, I don’t know.

From Colleen (a twofer!): I can’t tell whether we’re meant to infer if the pumpkin is meant to represent, um, him? Or he is thinking he has nefarious plans for that poor pumpkin.

Lara: Pumpkin… the more frugal, robust version of a peach?

Amanda: “A Warriors Halloween” which makes me think that this is Warriors fanfic with a Halloween celebration one-shot.

Sarah: What an exciting gourd.

Shana: Did they make him orange to match the pumpkin?

From Colleen: This one makes me think the guy farted on that poor wolf.

Shana: That wolf does NOT look happy.

Sarah: That poor wolf.

Amanda: The air biscuit so bad his eyes have crossed.

From Claire N: Is he standing up? Is he lying down, going “where the fuck is my pillow, my neck hurts like a bitch”? Is he trying to do a Matrix-style backbend? Why is he inside a large pipe/segmented worm? What is the weird breeze or awful miracle of tailoring that is making his jacket do that while his hair stays in place? Where is his right arm? Is it supposed to be sexy that he looks like a five year old preparing for the tantrum of his life? I have so many questions.

Amanda: Who’s our little edgy guy? Is that you?! Are you our edgy little man?! Aw…look at him!

Sarah: He’s too sexy for his tube, too sexy for his tube, too sexy for that whole line of sewer tube.